God, what are you up to?

God,

I sit here close to midnight pondering you, me, my dreams, and being in Nashville. My mind goes back to Switzerland and the idea of going to Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. I listen to worship music and my mind begins to create dances in response to you. I sense that I am where I need to be, and at the same time I sense that there is something more that I have not reached out and grasped. I desire to live like no one else so that I can one day live like no one else. I desire to get out of debt and use my finances responsibly. I desire to work in a place where I can serve, encourage, educate, and use my strengths. I desire to glorify you in my work. I desire to study and be aware of current events. I desire to challenge my beliefs and desires so that I can challenge others. I have an income crisis, but then again you know that! You know me. You know the very core of me. You know all the complexities, all the changes, all the steps back, and all the steps forward that have occurred this past year. What am I doing in Nashville? Where do I need to be working? What do I need to be doing? How long do I need to stay here? I desire to have a broad area of influence and get back to school to be a professor. What should I be teaching? Why does Southeastern and Dr. Little continue to come to my mind while I wonder if education there would limit me. Yet, what an education and foundation I would gain! What surgery needs to occur within me so that I may better reflect you and glorify you with my life? What steps need to be taken? Life has meaning, hope, and joy with you. I know that I need to lean on you more. You are my stability. If I depend on anyone or anything else, they change and float away. You remain the same. I have seen this in a more realistic way this past year. Thank you. How does my thinking need to change? My interests are in philosophy and theology. A core of these interests are beliefs and ideas. My beliefs and ideas need to be challenged and change before I can expect others to allow me to challenge them. Father, help me to take one step at a time. I sense you telling me to take life one step at a time. Your Word lights my steps. I desire to pay attention to you, your character, and your ways to take the steps you want me to take.

Thank you for time today. Thank you for providing for my needs. Thank you for the time to see old friends. Thank you for time to cook. Thank you for the questions, dreams, and inspiration. Even though I am unsure where the next steps will bring me. I know that you are with me every step of the way. I love you! Accept love and a smile from your daughter.

In Jesus Name,

Amen