Deliberation and Intentionality

I am sitting in my half empty room preparing to move out of seminary housing to live with my parents for a bit. This will allow me to be closer to work and be a bit more wise with money. I am listening to the song "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong United while pondering the lecture this evening by Udo Middelmann on beauty. In the end, he spoke about reality and how Christians should present the gospel. There should be continuity between a person's message and how they live life. This goes to the most simple aspect of how one serves dinner and lives day to day life. The gospel message begins with creation and the value of creation and most importantly the significance of human beings. Each individual human being is precious because every human being is a descendent of Adam. Our neighbors have value and significance. We should live this way. God values beauty. He created it. Udo presented a definition of beauty that I have not heard before. Beauty can be understood as something which is effectively communicating a message as well as having a well crafted form. Something which is very disturbing can be beautiful because the medium communicates the disturbing idea very effectively. Americans often enjoy the the beauty that warms the heart and the activities that make one smile to try to forget about all the suffering and struggles that are included in living.

On a different note, one should help others seek instead of focusing on finding God. I was reminded that scripture states that everyone who seeks finds. People need to be encouraged to seek, ask questions, struggle, think, and wrestle with truth. As a result, they will find the truth if they seek the truth. Also, my life should cause people to ask questions and my answers should be consistent with how I live life. I fear that this is not often the case. I am still discovering why I believe what I believe and how those beliefs are lived out. Yet, I can pursue being deliberate in my choices with an effort to have my life reflect my beliefs and ideas. This can begin by simply valuing beauty and quality. This can begin with loving my neighbor and valuing them as a human whom God created. I can value beauty by what I decide to eat and how I maintain my house. I can reflect God by intentionally working hard at what I am passionate about and being an educated person. God says that beauty, excellence, and work are good. God created man and said that it was good to make man. God even made man in his image. As a result, my life should reflect that humans have value individually as well as corporately. I should work hard and creatively because God desires me to create new things and create new things well.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be inspired and encouraged once again to dream big and take steps of action. Now to dreaming about possibilities, working hard to create new things, and encouraging others to seek.

Just Write!

This is what I am hearing God tell me.  He is telling me to just write :)  I write so inconsistently for this blog.  At this moment, I do not have an excuse.  I have no job yet, I just received my paycheck from August 10th, and I have only one day of classes.  Now is the perfect time to just write.

That is exactly what I will be doing right now.  I like to think of this as free writing.  I am not sure what words will flow through my fingers and onto this blog.  I pray that the words bring glory to God and encouragement to whoever reads this.  

I am right now sitting in a half-furnished room within an almost unfurnished townhouse.  God is still in control.  Allow me to explain.  I share a two bedroom townhouse about a mile from campus with a sweet Chinese lady named Ping.  She has the small bedroom and I have the large bedroom.  I am paying to share this room with someone, but so far I am the only one.  The space has helped me to settle after my move from Tennessee.  It has also worked out well since I had to leave most of my furniture in Tennessee.  Only so much stuff fits into a Honda Civic and a Ford Edge.  Downstairs there is no living room or dining room furniture.  There is no washing machine, but there is a dryer.  As a result, life is lived upstairs and in the kitchen.  In the past, I have often gone through my things believing that I had too much stuff.  Those times prepared me for leaving behind a lot in Tennessee.

In the midst of the challenges of less stuff, I feel like I am where God wants me.  That is a wonderful feeling!!!  I am finally a student at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary.  I surprised Dr. Little during orientation.  While I was sitting on the front row of the group of apologetics and ethics students, he said hello and mentioned how he was surprised to not see me in Switzerland.  I was one of three ladies starting the Master of Divinity with Christian Apologetics program.  The majority of the students are married men.  I also was informed that I would not be able to be a professor at Southeastern unless I was teaching women's studies.  God knows why I am at the seminary.  Even though I may be in the minority, I know this is where I am to be.  I am taking Hermeneutics and Introduction to Christian Philosophy on Thursdays.  I have 6 hours of classes, but it does not feel that long.  The topics are a bit of review which helps my first semester as I am getting settled in a new place.

I have been challenged financially to trust God and thank God for provision even when I did not see the money right away.  I left Tennessee expecting two more paychecks from Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center.  My first check was due on August 10th.  August 10th came and went with no paycheck directly deposited or mailed.  Come to find out that the paycheck was sitting in the call center for about a week and then finally mailed out this past Wednesday.  I received it in the mail today.  As a result, I am experiencing the grace from the seminary to pay rent late.  I have not bought much because all I have had was cash in my wallet.  God is good.  My Hermeneutics class requires a book which is able to be viewed online.  My Christian Philosophy class has a book I checked out from the library.  I was all set for classes on Thursday even without my paycheck.  God is my provider and sometimes he provides in ways we do not expect.

Now I am believing God for a job or jobs that take care of my needs.  I have an interview at a jewelry store on Monday.  We will see what happens.  In the meantime, I am taking time to rest.  I am spending time with God, reading, writing, listening to music, and watching movies before life becomes a bit busier.  God has given me time to rest after 6 day work weeks and moving from Tennessee.  

Well, this is what happens when I just write :)  I hope that you have enjoyed my update.

God bless you!

Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary!

Since my last post, there have been many changes. The most significant change is that I was accepted into the Master of Divinity with Christian Apologetics program at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary! School starts August 17th. I have been talking about the seminary and visiting the school since 2005. I move from Nashville on August 10th. I am once again in a period of transition. I am excited about this new chapter in my life. Life will be spent at work and in the library :) I am also going to miss Nashville and all the friends I am leaving behind. Thankfully, I will have a schedule that should allow me to visit my friends in Tennessee sooner than later. Last days are filled with organizing, packing, and deciding what furniture to leave behind. I like to pack light!

One Step at a Time

I have spent the past couple of days reading a blog which God has used to inspire me. Please allow me to ramble and release thoughts that are trapped inside of my mind. I think this will be beneficial to both of us. I will be able to process what I have been reading, and you may gain some insight that may inspire you. My time has not been fully spent reading a blog online. I have been working and visiting with friends, but my work has allowed me time in between calls at the resort to read someone else's thoughts that God is using to fan his flame inside of me.

I sit at my desk in my cold room and ponder the purpose of life. While living in Tennessee less than a year, I have come to realize in a more concrete way that life is walking around in circles if God did not provide that purpose. God provides the answers to my questions. He looks at me and calls me beautiful. He is my fixed foundation. He is what I need. Everything else in this world is unstable, changing, and fleeting. Life brings heartache, stress, and difficulties. Only God can bring me through this. It is not just that God saves me and allows me to get through life, but that God desires me and desires to be with me. It is a relationship. It is a popular saying to think "not my will but God's will be done". What does that mean? What does that look like? How easy it is to want my will even though I know the consequences. It is easy to forget about future consequences and then live with regrets.

While reading this blog I mentioned earlier, there was a reference to a grave that had the inscription "known but to God". It is sad to think that no one knows who is buried there, but I want to take this statement a step further. How would my life look differently if I lived as if I were known but to God? It is easy for me to say that God is my center, on my horizon, and my everything. I see my life changing if I lived like it. Yes, we live in community, but what if I lived like I was only living for God? You may be thinking well of course we need to live like that! We need to die to self and live for God. Sometimes words can be words and not a reflection of our actions.

I am sitting in my cold, clean, and quiet room pondering life. I moved here after college for reasons that included a change of scenery. I placed the idea of seminary, teaching, and ministry on the back burner or allowed it to take a different form. Instead of working directly in missions or ministry, I am seeing opportunities where I currently work to reach out and opportunities with my change in location to grow. I sense that the time for change is near and wonder what that it will look like. I think I will be accepted to be a graduate student at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, but I do not want to limit God. I do not want to be going after what Rebecca wants, but go where God wants me to be. I am re-reading Rees Howells: Intercessor. He had an intimate relationship with God and allowed himself to be used as a channel for God to reach the world. Wow! Rees Howells' life is an example of what it looks like to be dead to self and alive to Christ. What would that life look like in me? How will I know unless I take time to listen and then take steps of faith?

So now as I work four or five days a week at the resort since it is slower, I am looking for additional work. I need to pray and seek God for guidance for my job, school, my location, and life. I do not know what 2009 will bring me. The unexpected has already occurred with my car. May I stay focused on God and live like he is the only one I am living for. It is a step by step process.

Show Me Your Ways

The following is a response to Psalm 119 I wrote during the School of Biblical Studies with Youth With a Mission in Wiler, Switzerland in 2002. I decided that it was time to share it with you. It is a prayer.

Show Me Your Ways

Show me your ways
That I may follow.
Reveal you Word to me
So that I may understand.

Your Word is the basis for life,
Answers for life's problems discovered.
Bring your Word to life
In my life so I may testify.

Your love is seen well
In your words and your ways.
May I know it full well
So I may share it with others.

Who fully understands you character?
Who fully understands your love?
Who desires to know more - not satisfied?
Open my eyes that I may walk with you.

The world is such a dark place.
People are blinded without realizing.
They think life is struggle, sorrow, and pain.
How can they know if people don't go?

Your heart is so big!
Reaching out to the world!
May the world be on our hearts.
Send us so we can go!

Go bring life to the lifeless.
Go bring hope to the hopeless.
Go bring direction for the lost.
Go bring sight to the blind.

May we know what we bring.
May we be able to communicate
So people understand.
Turn people's focus to you.

Show me your ways
So I may understand.
Send me out
So I may go!

In Too Deep

The day began in all the usual ways. I woke up early and departed from North Carolina after a great trip visiting friends and family. I was refreshed and ready to face life once again in Tennessee. The drive was over all very good. The weather was nice in North Carolina and South Carolina. The traffic was not backed up north of Atlanta. Though once I got through Atlanta, the day began to change. There were thunderstorm warnings, tornado warnings, and strong wind warnings throughout the area. I decided to stop in Chattanooga and visit my friend who was teaching during a church meeting. There were wet roads, pouring rain, and it was dark. I was told that I needed to turn into the second church parking lot. I turned into the wrong parking lot and in the process of turning around the front of my Toyota Camry starting to go under water. I thought: Not Again!, grabbed my purse and my cell phone before pushing the door open releasing a gush of water into the car. I waded waste deep out of the water and showed up on the doorstep of the church soaked asking for help. People thought that my car needed a little push, and they were shocked to discover the front of my car in water and my back lights advertising the peril state of my car. I saw the great character of the people at the service as they rescued most of my stuff from the car including the dry change of clothes in my suitcase. I talked to insurance and AAA during the service, stayed at the pastor's house, and received a phone call from the collision place that my car is totaled. Now I wait to have confirmation from my insurance. I guess that it is time for a new car! To top it off, this is the second time I totaled a car in 12 months. In April 2008, I ran off the side of the road and hopped over a big hole in the ground. What a year!